Always You & I
by stirringofmysoul
Summary: Dean's future with Cas is threatened by demons from his past.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Dean Winchester drummed his fingers nervously against the arm of the crummy plastic chair he was sitting on. The woman seated across from him gave him a look as if to say 'Buddy, I'm nine months pregnant and anything can push me over the edge right now…and I think your incessant tapping might just be it.' He smiled and weakly and shifted his fingers from the armrest to this thigh.

"Okay, we're all checked in," Cas Novak said as he settled into the chair next to his partner. He frowned as he watched Dean's digits dance across the top of his leg. "Anna just texted me. She parked the car and is on her way up," he added, his eyes still fixed on Dean's hand. "What exactly are you doing?"

"What if the baby has an extra head or something?" Dean whispered, ignoring Cas' question (or maybe he hadn't even heard it).

Cas lifted an eyebrow. "Why would the baby have an extra head?" he asked (as if this was a perfectly legitimate question).

"Anna is your sister," Dean pointed out. "Stuff like that can get all genetically weird."

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there," Cas said gently. He grasped Dean's hand in his own, momentarily ceasing the drumming (and earning Cas a smile from the mother to be). "You do know that Anna is only carrying the baby, right? She's not actually the baby's mother."

Dean tried to wiggle his hand free, but to no avail (Cas might appear slight, but he was strong). "Something could have gone wrong…gotten mixed up," he insisted.

"This isn't a sci-fi movie, sweetheart," Cas said with a bit of a chuckle.

Dean scowled. "Yeah, that's it…laugh. When the baby comes out with an extra foot we'll see who's laughing then," he replied, wiggling his hand again.

"I thought it was an extra head you were concerned about," Cas said, trying to hide his smile (and failing miserably).

When Dean was finally able to break his hand free he crossed his arms over his chest and chose not to answer his partner. Instead he looked around the OBGYN's office. The walls were filled with photos of happy mothers and smiling babies. The tables were littered with pregnancy, childbirth, and childrearing magazines. Women of all ages sat in the waiting room in various states of pregnancy.

Never in a hundred (make that a million) years did Dean ever think he'd be in a place like this. He and Cas had met their freshman year of college. They were both studying business and found they had a majority of their classes together. Since they got on so well they deiced to room together the following school year.

Though they were good friends, the spring semester of their sophomore year changed everything. Dean had just gone through a break up (a little blonde thing named Chevy). He wasn't feeling particularly bad about…in fact it was kind of a relief. She was high maintenance and not exactly the brightest crayon in the box (in fact Dean and Cas had spent most of winter break making fun of her via text). Cas insisted they go out for drinks to mourn the loss (or maybe to celebrate …come to think of it). One drink led to another and another until the two found themselves back in their dorm wearing nothing more than a smile.

When Dean woke up the next morning he was worried things would be awkward, but they weren't. Cas leaned over, gave Dean a kiss, and asked where they should go for breakfast. It was just natural for them to be together. And together they had been for the past decade, as both a couple as well as owners and operators of The Roadhouse Bar & Grill.

Life was simple. Life was good. That was until Cas started bringing up the idea of expanding their family beyond the two of them. Dean told him he really didn't want a dog, but his partner wasn't referring to a canine.

A baby. Cas wanted a frikkin' baby! A crying-eating-pooping machine. It wasn't that he didn't want a family with Cas. It was more the idea of being responsible for someone else that scared Dean. And it's not like he had a great example in John Winchester. Cas pointed out that he had done a wonderful job raising his younger brother, Sam. But the thing with that was Sam was an adult now and though Dean still looked out for him he wasn't really HIS to worry about anymore. Sam was a lawyer, he was married…he had his own life going on. A baby of your own was something you were responsible for…forever.

Dean finally agreed to give it a go (after months of discussions, arguments, and one really persuasive power point presentation). He figured with having to decide between adoption vs. surrogacy and all the other nuisances of making a kid he'd have at least a year to get his head clear. Wrong. While Dean has been hemming and hawing Cas had been researching, reading, and talking to people about the best methods. In the end, they decided to go with Cas' sister, Anna, as the surrogate, a donor egg, and Cas as the baby's biological father. And of course Cas' swimmers were amazing (much like the man himself) and BOOM just like that Anna was carrying their child.

When the door to the doctor's office swung open and Anna's shock of red hair came into Dean's field of vision he was brought back to the reality of the situation.

He was really going to be a dad.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Dude, let me see it," Jordan said, reaching across the bar to snatch Dean's phone.

"Knock it off!" Dean said and swatted at his friend's palm.

Jordan Moore was the lead bartender and night manager at The Roadhouse. He and Dean had been friends since they were kids. Jordan was a good guy, but sometimes he poured it on a little thick (that's probably why he made the most in tips).

"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Jordan asked, hands still all grabby. "Or does it just look like an alien?"

Cas and Dean came into work after Anna's appointment. She was now twenty weeks along (about halfway there). The doctor said everything looked and sounded good. The technician had tried to find out the sex for them, but the baby was being rather shy that afternoon (which was probably for the best as Dean usually did okay thinking in terms of the baby just being an it and not an actual person yet).

"Dude," Dean snarled when Jordan successfully snapped up the phone and flipped to the sonogram the nurse had emailed to both himself and Cas.

"Am I looking at this properly?" Jordan asked, first tilting his head and then turning the phone on its side. "All I see is a big pile of goop."

"Your brain is a big pile of goop," Dean replied and wrangled his phone out of Jordan's grip. He tucked the device securely into his pocket. "And no, we don't know the sex yet."

"I still think you're crazy for doing this," Jordan said, returning to task of wiping down the bar.

"That's a loaded statement," Dean commented.

"You've been with the same guy since college…not to mention he's the only guy you've been with…and I could ALMOST overlook that, but instead of enjoying life you're going to wreck it by tying yourself to a rugrat for the next eighteen years," Jordan clarified.

Dean wasn't about to admit those thoughts ran through his head on a daily basis (well, not the part about Cas…he was sure about him, but the rest…yeah). "You're just pissed Geoff is with Lucas now," he replied.

With that simple comment the heat was now off Dean and on Jordan's on-again off again loverboy.

"Lies," Jordan said and tossed his rag squarely into Dean's chest. "If he wants to spend his time with that crybaby that's his problem."

Dean rolled his eyes and slid off the barstool as Jordan continued to rant. "Whatever you say. I'll be in the office if you need me," he said. He tossed the rag back at his friend and escaped into the backroom.

"Hey, sweetheart…come look at this," Cas said from behind his desk. Dean snagged a chair and pulled it up alongside his partner's.

"What exactly am I looking at?" Dean asked curiously.

"It's called a boppy. It's good for the baby because it helps them sit up and supports their neck," Cas explained to him. "I'm going to add it to the registry list."

The baby shower. Something else Dean didn't like to think about it. "You're already pimping the baby out for swag?" Dean teased.

"First of all, don't ever say swag again…you're not a New York hipster," Cas said. "And second…it's more of a chance for people to celebrate with us than it is about getting stuff."

"Don't be surprised if Jordan doesn't bring Geoff with him," Dean said, changing the subject.

"Did they break up again?" Cas asked as he clicked various buttons on the screen, making Dean a little dizzy.

"Something like that," Dean mused.

"Geoff's kind of cheap anyway…I bet his gift wouldn't have been very good," Cas joked.

"When is this party again?" Dean asked him.

Cas shifted his gaze away from the screen. "Do you ever listen when I talk?" he asked.

"Depends what you're talking about," Dean said with a smirk.

"This is serious, Dean," Cas said with a sigh.

Dean rubbed his partner's shoulder and gave his cheek a kiss. "I know, babe. I was just kidding." (Mostly.) "So what color are we thinking for the bobby?"

"Boppy," Cas corrected him.

"That too," Dean said with a snort.

xxx

"And you're telling me this why?" Dean spat into the phone.

"He sounded good," Sam defended himself.

"It's dad. You know his new found sobriety is just a phase," Dean said. He sat down on the couch, leaning back to allow his head to touch the wall.

For the better part life (correction…all of his life) Dean's father had been off the wagon. After the death of Dean's mother he was never the same. Most of the time John was able to function well enough to hold down a job long for them to pay the rent for a month or two before it was on to the next place.

This left most (all) of the responsibilities of the household on Dean's shoulders. He cooked…cleaned…paid the bills…made sure Sam brushed his teeth. He was too embarrassed (and too worried he'd be separated from his brother) to ever ask any adult for help.

That was until one night when Dean came home from work (he was about sixteen at the time) and found Sam unconscious on the kitchen floor and his father ranting and raving about how ungrateful his sons were. He locked his father in the bedroom and called 911. It was the scariest thing Dean had ever been through.

The boys were taken away from John while he was placed in a facility. They moved in with their Uncle Bobby (their father's friend) and remained there even once John was out of rehab. While Dean had little to no contact with his father, Sam still kept in touch with him (and sent him money Dean suspected). He never understood how Sam could want to be involved with a man who had nearly killed him, but Sam would get upset if Dean said anything so it was easier to just not talk about it.

"I told him about the baby," Sam said.

Dean had never actually come out to his father. One Thanksgiving at Bobby's house John had joined them for part of the meal and met Cas, but nothing was ever really said about it.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure he had a few choice things to say about that," he replied.

"He really is trying, Dean," Sam said. "You could try too," he suggested.

"Sammy," Dean said. "I love you. And while I don't agree with it…I respect that you want to keep in contact with dad, but please don't drag me into this."

"Sorry," his brother apologized. Before the conversation could continue Dean heard Jess calling for Sam in the background. "Talk to you later, bro."

"Later," Dean echoed. He set his phone down after the call ended and closed his eyes. With everything going on the last thing he needed to worry about was John Winchester.

"Sweetheart!" Cas called from the kitchen.

Perfect distraction.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Can't you just watch videos about this stuff on youtube?" Dean whispered.

"Sweetheart, pay attention," Cas said as he tapped out notes on his ipad.

Dean pressed his lips together and followed Cas and Lucy, the professional baby proofer, into the entryway of the kitchen.

"Oh my god!" Lucy exclaimed as they entered the space.

He winced a little at her high pitched shrill. "Where's the fire, Luce?" he asked her.

"Bar stools," she tsked and tapped the back of the chair. "This is an accident waiting to happen."

"Or a convenient way to eat at the breakfast bar," Dean replied.

"What do you suggest?" Cas asked, looking up towards Lucy (as if her face held all the answers).

"If you insist on keeping the stools," she said, giving Dean a look. "there's a way to stabilize them, but if I were you I'd ditch them and eat at the kitchen table."

"We better get rid of them," Cas said quickly. He added this to his already overflowing notepad app.

"Next thing you know we're going to have to get rid of the gun," Dean joked.

"You have a gun in the house!?" Lucy cried out.

"He's kidding," Cas assured the girl.

Lucy put her hand over her heart. "I just need a minute here," she said as she stumbled back into the living room and sank into an armchair.

"Dean, why don't you get Lucy a glass of water," Cas suggested.

Anxious to get out of the line of fire, Dean ducked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. At Cas' insistence they had hired Lucy (from the Baby Zone) to walk through the house, making sure everything was safe for their impending arrival. So far the living room had been declared public enemy number one due to the flat screen tv (of death) and the pointy edged coffee table. Dean had grown up in shitty apartments and motel rooms and if nothing in those places had killed him he figured their kid would probably be safe.

But what did he know, right?

Dean joined the pair in the living room and handed Lucy a bottle of water. She sipped slowly and then took a deep breath. "Thank you," she said. "Now I think we need to finish the kitchen before we move on to the bathroom," she said, getting up to her feet again. "And gosh…we still have the bedrooms and the office. I think I might have to come back for a second visit."

Dean rolled his eyes as the trio headed out of the living room. If you don't have anything nice to say…

xxx

"Is that a baby name book?" Cas asked curiously as he walked into their bedroom that night.

Dean looked up from the text and chuckled. "Well, since I clearly know nothing about how to make sure the kid doesn't die, I figure I can't get into trouble picking out a name," he reasoned.

Cas laughed as he crawled into bed next to him. "I think Lucy might have been a little harsh," he relented.

"I think Lucy might be kind of a genius. We forked over about five hundred bucks to her today," Dean mused as he turned the page.

"Peace of mind," Cas reasoned. He rested his head on Dean's shoulder and looked at the book as well. "So you think it's a girl?" he asked, noting Dean was looking in the girl section of the text.

"Oh. No, I mean…I don't know. I just opened it up to a random page," Dean said. "But I kind of hope it's a girl," he admitted softly.

"You do?" Cas asked curiously. Dean couldn't blame him…this was one of the first times he had shown interest in the baby's sex.

"Yeah, then we could name her Mary…like my mom," Dean whispered.

Cas smiled softly and kissed his cheek. "I think that'd be perfect," he whispered back.

Dean pulled at the neck of Cas' t-shirt and placed several kisses along his smooth skin. He let out a frustrated groan when he tried to kiss down further and was met with material. There was far too much fabric separating them. Dean tugged on the hem of Cas' shirt and peeled it away from his skin and then up and over his head. Cas followed suit, pulling Dean's t-shirt away from his body. Dean leaned down again, their bare chests touching now.  
Dean shifted his face away from his and pressed a kiss in the valley of Cas's chest. This elicited a whimper from deep within Cas. He trailed his tongue along the tender skin licking and suckling, idly at first, but rapidly when Cas began to tug on the hair at the nape of his neck.  
"More…" Cas begged softly, rolling his hips up to fit against his.  
Dean was achingly hard and since Cas was insisting… He hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down in one fell swoop. Cas kicked at the clothing as it touched his feet. Cas then looped a digit into Dean's boxers and pushed them down to join his own clothes on the floor.  
Dean leaned back down against Cas's now naked body and kissed him deeply, sucking his tongue deep into his mouth. Cas whimpered rather loudly at the urgency Dean was exhibiting. Dean slowly trailed a palm down his body, completely worshipping every bit of Cas.  
"Dean," Cas gasped out as Dean eased a slick finger inside him. He arched up to meet the digit. Dean caught his mouth with his again as he slid his finger in and out of Cas's tight entrance. The easy pattern of kissing and touching continued until he felt him open up.  
As Dean eased his hand away from him Cas reached out and grasped him in his palm. "Fuck," Cas cursed when he felt how hard he was. "Poor baby," he murmured as he stroked Dean slowly at first, but then with much more urgency.  
"Oh god…" Dean gasped. A warm feeling spread throughout his body as Cas jerked him in his hand. He pressed closer and closer against his palm, absolutely existing on the feeling of him.  
"Want you…" Cas whispered against his ear, his breath tickling Dean's skin so tenderly it took all of his strength not to cum all over his hand like a horny teenager.  
Dean swallowed hard and got his bearings. He pushed himself up and away from Cas' hand and then slowly lowered himself into him.  
A shock of electricity rang through both of their bodies as they clung to one another like a second skin. Dean didn't know where he ended and Cas began.  
After moans of utter pleasure and strangled cries of the others name they pushed over the edge together, both panting heavily as they came down from their high. There was no better feeling in the world than being with Cas whether it was in bed or just being in the same room. They were absolutely made for one another.

"Shower?" Cas asked, breaking the silence.

Dean chuckled. "We never actually get clean when we shower," he pointed out.

"Well, we can try harder this time," Cas said, chuckling himself. Dean ducked out of bed and padded into the bathroom.

"Umm, babe…" Dean trailed off as he attempted to turn the knob on the shower. The stupid baby proofing device was proving to be Dean proof as well.

"Yeah?" Cas asked as he walked into the bathroom a few seconds later. He immediately started laughing when he saw Dean struggling.

"This is not funny! This is your fault," Dean said, through a laugh of his own.

Cas stepped in the tub with him and tried to turn the knob himself. "And they're letting us raise a baby…" he said with a shake of his head.

"What were they thinking?" Dean snorted.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"This cannot be for real," Dean said softly.

"It's for real," the doctor said with a chuckle. "That's your baby's heartbeat."

"It sounds fast…is it supposed to be that fast?" Cas asked nervously.

"It's absolutely perfect," the doctor insisted.

The room quieted down again as Cas and Dean listened to the thump (or more like blub blub) of their child's heart.

"Everything seems to be on track," the doctor said as he rattled off some instructions to Anna about diet and exercise after he turned off the speaker. Dean had stopped listening, though.

He looked over at his Cas (whose eyes were a little shiny). "There's actually a person in there," he whispered. A person Dean would do anything in the world to protect. For the first time ever he felt confident about becoming a father.

"Our person," Cas whispered back with a smile.

xxx

The next few weeks flew by. The baby's room was coming together nicely. While Dean was able to paint the room (they went with green) on his own, trying to put together the crib was another story. He enlisted the help of his uncle for that one.

"Thank god I got you and your brother when you were old enough to sleep in a regular bed," Bobby grunted as he tried to dislodge a spindle from the side of the crib.

"And I already knew how to cook and change a flat tire," Dean added with a chuckle.

"I had it made in the shade," Bobby replied after finally freeing the stubborn piece of maple. He held it up and inspected it closely.

"Thanks again for coming over to help," Dean said to him with sincerity in his tone.

"How could I turn down free pizza and beer?" Bobby asked. "Besides you and your brother are both so damn busy now it's good to have an excuse to see you." He gave Dean a smile.

"You're going to see us next weekend at the baby shower," Dean pointed out.

"That's not like a tea party, right?" Bobby asked, quirking an eyebrow. "I mean I don't even like iced tea…unless it's from Long Island."

Dean snorted a laugh. "It's at The Roadhouse and there's going to be a taco bar," he said to him.

"Oh, well sign me up then," he confirmed with a nod as he busied himself with the construction of the crib. "Sammy said your dad sounds good. He was asking about you."

"No, not you too," Dean said with a groan. "What part of I'm not interested in talking to John confuses everyone?"

Bobby held up his hand in a 'don't' shoot' manner. "Okay, okay…subject dropped," he replied.

Dean narrowed his eyebrows. "That easily?" he asked.

"You know I'm going to say my piece," Bobby replied.

"Make it fast," Dean said and made a 'go on' gesture with his hand.

"Your father made more mistakes than I can count," Bobby said. "But he's never going to get past them if we don't try. That's all."

Dean paused a moment before speaking. "I'm tired, Bobby…I'm tired of hoping he's going to be okay this time or that time. I can't do it anymore…I just can't," he said.

"But…" Bobby protested.

"But nothing. I'm finally coming around on the whole baby thing. Cas had to fight me tooth and nail to get me to even consider having a kid. I can't undo all the progress I've made," Dean said. "I've come so far. I just have to keep going."

Bobby nodded his head and the two went back to working on the crib.

xxx

"What do you mean we're not playing games?" Jordan asked with a pouty face after settling next to Dean.

It was the day of the shower. Anna was so big she looked like she was about to pop at any second. They still hadn't been able to determine the sex of the baby. Dean joked that maybe it was a cat, but all that earned him was a 'can't you ever be serious' look from his partner.

"I mean we're not playing games," Dean said to him. "Do you even know what kind of games people play at baby showers?"

"Sure, celebrity baby trivia, guess what's in the diaper, tie it with a bow…" Jordan ticked off his tongue. "And my personal favorite pregnancy twister."

Dean blinked a few times as he looked at his friend. "It's like I don't even know you sometimes," he said to him.

"Sweetheart, your brother and Jess are here," Cas said and waved him over.

Dean got up to his feet and walked over to greet his brother and sister-in-law. "I never thought you'd be having a kid before me," Sam said as they embraced.

"That makes two of us," Dean replied after the hug ended. He bent down to give Jess a squeeze as well.

"Congratulations," she said with a smile. "Your gift was too big to fit in the car so it's being delivered to the house," she explained.

"It's the Range Rover of baby strollers. I think it even has GPS," Sam said with a laugh.

"Sounds pretty sweet," Dean said with a smile. "Thank you."

Cas took Jess by the arm so he could get her something to drink, leaving Sam and Dean alone together.

"Bobby said he built the crib for you," Sam said to him.

"That son of a bitch," Dean said with a laugh. "He helped put the crib together. Actually he just kind of complained while I did most of the work come to think of it."

"If you need anything else just let me know," Sam said.

"Oh, no…I mean I know you're busy with work and stuff," Dean said. Even now he still felt this NEED to take care of Sam, not let him lift a finger.

"Just putting the offer out there," Sam insisted.

xxx

After lunch Jordan managed to get everyone to play celebrity baby trivia…which somehow turned into a game of Never Have I Ever…which gave everyone a nice buzz. This was definitely a shower for the ages.

While Cas and Dean were opening gifts and everyone else was enjoying cake the bells on the front door of The Roadhouse rang.

"We're closed for a private event," Jordan called out. "Unless you're Geoff and you dumped Lucas…then come on in."

"Well, well, well…what do we have here," John slurred as he walked into the room where the party was being held.

Dean felt his stomach tie up in a knot. He shot Sam (traitor) a look, but his younger brother just looked back helplessly.

"My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail," John said before settling in a seat next to Bobby.

This could not be happening. Not today.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Dad…what are you doing here?" Dean asked slowly. He felt Cas' fingers slip through his own. Right now his partner was the only thing keeping him from jumping up and pouncing on his old man.

"Sam mentioned he was going to visit you today. I thought I'd stop by and see both my boys, but apparently I'm crashing a…what is this exactly?" John asked.

"Buddy, why don't we go outside and get some air?" Bobby suggested. He rested his hand on John's elbow.

John shook his arm free from Bobby's touch. "No, if there is a celebration going on here I deserve to be a part of it," he insisted. "Now let's see…there's cake…presents…" He got up to his feet and wandered over closer to Cas and Dean. Dean nearly choked on the smell of alcohol radiating off his father.

"It's a shower for our baby, sir," Cas said slowly. "And like we said before it's a private event."

"This is for family and last time I checked…I was family," John said. "What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here?"

"No one give him a drink," Dean warned the group (who looked so uncomfortable at the moment).

"Don't you speak for me," John said harshly. He looked down at his son. "It's cute how you're playing at having a little family of your own here."

Dean swallowed and set his jaw in a hard line. "I'm not playing at anything. I am having a family," he said to him. "One you aren't a part of anymore."

John smacked Dean square across the cheek with the back of his hand. "I told you not to speak for me, queer!" he snapped.

Dean felt the knot in his stomach untie, thus filling him with boiling rage from head to toe. "Don't you ever speak to me like that," he said as he got up to his feet, looking his father directly in the eye. "I'm more of a man than you will ever be."

Instead of replying, John spit right in Dean's face. The next thing he knew John was down flat on his back and Cas was shaking his hand out, flexing his fingers to make sure he hadn't broken them when he took John out.

All of a sudden the room exploded with movement and sound. Bobby and Sam helped John out of the bar once he came to. Jess grabbed some ice for Cas' hand and Jordan ushered everyone else out of The Roadhouse.

Dean grabbed his keys and bolted.

xxx

"I had a feeling I'd find you here," Jordan said as he walked into the game room in the back of the bar.

Dean ignored his friend and continued his game of one man pool.

"Cas is out of his mind. Where did you take off to, dude?" Jordan asked.

Dean knew Jordan wouldn't let up with the questions so he looked over at him. "I took a drive," he replied. "How'd you know I'd end up back here?"

"Because you once told me pool is the only thing that clears your head," Jordan said. He snatched a ball off the table and rolled it back and forth between his hands.

"You messed up my shot," Dean protested.

Jordan rolled his eyes. "You've got bigger problems than a stupid game," he said to him.

"I can't face him right now, okay? It's too embarrassing," Dean said quietly.

Jordan's features softened as Dean spoke. "You should at least call him and let him know you're okay," he suggested.

"I'll go home in an hour or so. I just need a little time," Dean said. He abandoned his cue and sat down on a nearby stool.

"Well, in case you were wondering your dad's at Bobby's sleeping it off, but then he's back out on his own," Jordan told him.

"Bobby wouldn't just kick him out like that," Dean said with a shake of his head. "And if he does Sammy will just take him in."

Jordan shook his head. "No, Bobby meant it. You should have heard him. Don't you treat my boy like that. You don't deserve to call yourself a father. Shit got real, dude," he said.

"I'm going to end up like him," Dean said, swallowing hard.

Jordan's forehead creased. "Like your old man?" he asked him. "Hardly."

"It's in me," Dean insisted. "It's nature, man…you can't fight that kind of thing."

"Regardless of whether you've been fighting it or not you've spent your whole life being nothing like your father," Jordan said to him. "You're not going to suddenly turn into a mini-John."

"I drink," Dean pointed out.

"Yeah, socially," Jordan replied. "But look at everything else. You've taken care of Sam. You went to college. You've build a business from the ground up. You've fallen in love. You've made a life."

"What if the baby is the tipping point? Too many things in my life are going right…I'm bound to screw one of them up and that's going to be the kid. I don't want to turn into him and hurt the baby," Dean asked. "That's why I didn't want to have a kid."

Before Jordan could reply the loud clatter of a chair falling over could be heard in the main part of the bar. Dean ducked his head out of the game room and saw Cas standing there shell-shocked.

"Do you mean that?" Cas asked him, his voice trembling. "I knew you had your reservations…but I thought…"

Jordan opened up this mouth to tell him he had heard the conversation out of context, but Dean spoke up first. This was better. It was only a matter of time before he turned into a monster anyway. "Well, you thought wrong. It's over, Cas."

"Over?" Cas asked like the word was foreign. But the baby…" he protested.

"Technically the baby is your child so…you never have to tell it about me," Dean said.

"No!" Cas roared. "You can't…you can't…you can't just walk away," Tears were streaming down his face now.

"Dean…" Jordan started to say.

"Stay out of this, Jordan," Dean snapped. "Cas deserves the truth. This was all a mistake. And it's better to end it now before it gets any worse."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"If you're not going to go to work the least you could do is help out around here, you bum," Bobby said as he walked into the house.

Dean was on the couch, staring blankly at the television. It was the same spot he had been in when Bobby left for the shop that morning. It was pretty much the same spot he had been in all week.

To say Dean was a mess would be an understatement. He had no motivation to do anything. Now that he didn't have Cas what was the point? And rather than go into work and face him (and Jordan for that matter) he had been hiding at Bobby's place. He always knew he'd turn into a miserable old man and here was proof of that.

"Well, can you at least shower…we have company," Bobby said.

Dean sat up a little and saw his brother amble into the living room. "What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice rough from disuse.

"Can we talk?" Sam asked him. He sank into the armchair across from the couch.

"I don't need another lecture," Dean said. (And he especially didn't want to hear him ask that he give dad just 'one more chance'.)

Sam shook his head. "I'm not here for that. I just wanted to apologize. It's my fault dad showed up," he said.

Dean really wanted to blame Sam for that, but he knew he couldn't. He shook his head. "You didn't invite him," he replied.

"Yeah, I know…but I did tell him about the party and stuff and…I just wanted to hope this time he meant it, you know?" Sam said softly.

Dean knew exactly what he meant. He had been the same way once. "I get it, Sammy," he said quietly. He gave his brother a weak smile.

Sam nodded his head. "Okay, good," he replied. "Now…you and Cas?"

Dean groaned a little. "Why can't everyone see I'm doing this for his own good?" he asked.

"Because everyone knows you're being an idiot," Sam replied.

"Amen!" Bobby echoed from the kitchen.

"You keep saying you don't want to be like dad, but if you just abandon this baby…" Sam trailed off.

Before Dean could answer his cell phone rang, interrupting the conversation. He didn't recognize the number. "Hello?"

"Dean? It's me," Cas said. There was an obvious edge in his voice. Dean tried to open his mouth to speak, but words failed him at the moment. "I'm at the hospital…with Anna…the baby…I…" he stammered.

"I'll be right there," Dean said without hesitation. He hung up the phone and scrambled up to his feet.

Sam was two steps behind him. "What's wrong?" he asked his brother.

"I don't know…the hospital…Cas…let's go, Sammy!" Dean instructed his brother.

Somehow the pair made it to the car and Sam drove at NASCAR speed to get them to the hospital. The whole time Dean kept his eyes closed…just hoping everything was okay. Sam dropped him off at the door and then went to park as Dean raced inside.

He was panting so hard he could hardly speak. "Baby…Novak…help," Dean croaked. The nurse had him sit down and then found Anna's nurse. She sat down next to Dean.

"Anna's blood pressure is higher than we'd like it to be. If it doesn't go down the doctor will have to perform an emergency c-section," she said gently.

"But…it's too early…" Dean wheezed. Anna's due date wasn't for another three weeks.

"Babies are tougher than we give them credit for," the nurse assured him. "We just have to wait and see right now, okay?"

Dean nodded his head, but inside he was in full blown panic mode. "Can I see…?"

The nurse helped him up and guided him to Anna's room. Cas' coat was on the chair next to the bed by the room was empty save for a sleeping Anna.

Dean settled in the chair and wiped at his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and scooted closer to the bed. He rested his hand on the baby bump. "Hey…umm hey in there," he said softly. "I don't think you're done cooking yet so why don't we try and stay in there a little longer, okay? I want to meet you, but maybe just not yet?" He swallowed before speaking again. "I'm sorry that I left for a little while. That was dumb…but you'll learn that I do dumb things sometimes. But I'm going to fix everything. I promise. I'm gonna be there for you and your dad. I just need you to be okay…okay? Can you do that for me? I love you."

Dean looked up when he heard a sniffle. Cas had come into the room. "I'm sorry," they both blurted out at the same time. Dean got up and crossed the room in a few steps, wrapping Cas up in his arms. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was me. I was an idiot," he whispered.

"I knew you didn't mean any of that," Cas mumbled into his chest. "I knew you didn't."

"I love you," Dean said softly.

"I love you too," Cas replied. He looked up into Dean's eyes.

Dean nodded his head as he held his gaze. "I'm a little scared," he whispered.

"Me too, sweetheart, but…we're gonna be fine…the three of us," Cas said as firmly as he could.

"The three of us," Dean echoed softly.

xxx

Mary Winchester Novak was born in the wee hours of the next morning. She was small, but she was a fighter.

Cas and Dean sat outside the incubator that held their little girl a few days later. Because she was born before her lungs were totally developed she was going to spend some extra time in the hospital. The doctors assured them she would be just fine.

"She looks like you when she yawns," Dean said with a chuckle.

"I dunno…you're the one with the big mouth," Cas teased.

"Never heard you complain," Dean joked and elbowed him playfully.

"Dean!" Cas said. "She can hear you."

"Oh, sorry, babydoll," Dean said with a snort. "Just wait until you meet Uncle Jordan."

"Now that he's back with Geoff will we be seeing him anytime soon?" Cas joked.

"Come on…you know that won't last more than a week," Dean snickered.

"Would you like to feed her?" the nurse asked Dean.

"Oh, umm…Cas can do that," Dean stammered. He was still too afraid to hold her.

"No, no…you're not going to push off all the work on me," Cas scolded him. He scooted his chair closer to Dean while the nurse took Mary out of her little cocoon.

"What if I break her?" Dean whispered.

"You're not going to break her," he said with a soft laugh.

The nurse helped settle the baby in his arms and then handed him a bottle. Dean swallowed and looked down at the little dark haired bundle. "Here we go…" he said as he fit the bottle into her mouth. He held his breath and within seconds she was suckling happily. Dean looked over at Cas and grinned like a fool.

"Now don't think because you're good at feeding her means you can stick me with changing her," Cas teased him.

Dean laughed himself and when Mary was done he gently patted her back until she burped…quite loudly.

"Yep, definitely your daughter," Cas said.

"So how many of these do you think we should have?" Dean asked him, cradling the baby back in his arms.

"More?" Cas asked him, unable to hide the smile on his face.

"With you…I want everything," Dean replied.


End file.
